Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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