that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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