i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
