I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."