Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.

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(301): so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first. http://tfl.nu/lqfv

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(319): View more from Iowa

I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles

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(319): I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles http://tfl.nu/zz0g

Replies (7) Good night (2702) Bad night (528)
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(620): View more from Kansas

I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about

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(620): I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about http://tfl.nu/33to

Replies (23) Good night (781) Bad night (4480)
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(208): View more from Idaho

Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.

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(208): Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge. http://tfl.nu/9q10

Replies (24) Good night (4040) Bad night (563)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.

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(402): Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR. http://tfl.nu/vjij

Replies (25) Good night (7338) Bad night (877)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.

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(603): I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months. http://tfl.nu/isje

Replies (9) Good night (3723) Bad night (1412)
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(949): View more from California

Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?

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(949): Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk? http://tfl.nu/zd5j

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(224): View more from Illinois

I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".

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(224): I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!". http://tfl.nu/pw3u

Replies (8) Good night (3239) Bad night (752)
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(719): View more from Colorado

New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.

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(719): New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget. http://tfl.nu/qqak

Replies (9) Good night (470) Bad night (1578)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?

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(615): She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable? http://tfl.nu/4ysm

Replies (7) Good night (661) Bad night (1165)
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(630): View more from Illinois

I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it

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(630): I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it http://tfl.nu/s57c

Replies (5) Good night (590) Bad night (1657)
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(818): View more from California

So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth

(323): View more from California

Gross

(818): View more from California

AN ACTUAL PICKLE

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(818): So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth (323): Gross (818): AN ACTUAL PICKLE http://tfl.nu/hdiy

Replies (7) Good night (1908) Bad night (570)
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(307): View more from Wyoming

I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays

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(307): I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays http://tfl.nu/bo0c

Replies (5) Good night (426) Bad night (528)
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(317): View more from Indiana

There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load

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(317): There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load http://tfl.nu/2y1d

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(416): View more from Toronto

I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.

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(416): I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am. http://tfl.nu/zlza

Replies (18) Good night (468) Bad night (815)

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