where am i from again
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well