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• (239): View more from Florida

  I wish I could drop acid with the muppets

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• (716): View more from New York

  So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon

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• (207): View more from Maine

  so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.

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  19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand

  (1-856): View more from New Jersey

  We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?

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• (214): View more from Texas

  Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night

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  25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong

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• (360): View more from Washington

  Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.

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• (415): View more from California

  Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.

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