We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.