U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia