I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack