she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
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Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
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I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.