I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?