ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married