You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
