its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
