i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
