Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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