I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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