We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
