Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
