I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
ttyl tear gas
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
