I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
