Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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