I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
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We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
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I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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