Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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