Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
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I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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