What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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