if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
god, I love you
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.