Moan for me like Helen Keller
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.