I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT