It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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