I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
