We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
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he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
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we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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