this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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