STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
