I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I AM VODKA MAN
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
