Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
