I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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