Tell her she can't have a vagina
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
