i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
