remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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