Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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