i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
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I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
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I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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