so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
operation have a gay friend backfired
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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