Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
it's great music for shaving your balls
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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