The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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