i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
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i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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