Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
my shit smells like andre
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
