That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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