Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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