JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
In other news, I just burned my penis
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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