I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
