Moan for me like Helen Keller
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
