I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
