i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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