her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
