Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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