I think my fart just growled at me.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
