Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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