We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
