Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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