I cannot find my penis.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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