I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
