Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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