So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
