You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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