it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
