a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
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it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
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I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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