david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
